Chilly days

When I see her face, there's not a single thing I would change, coz she's so amazing, just the way she is...
The chilly days, wet evenings by the shore, staring out to the sea on a darkened sky. The waves moving rhythmically, smashing against the reefs... Then the droplets from the sky, and I just loose myself and let all my emotions show themselves. You dislike getting wet, my sweetest kitten, yet for me you stand by in the downpour till soaked deep to the bone, make that moment special, then shake as the chill kicks in. We both never believed in magic, but I believed in you. As I close my eyes and listen to my heart, I can almost feel your touch and see you making weird faces in front of me. Very silly of you, even here you still made me smile and laugh, If only...
As I open my eyes to find myself in bed, a constant stab to my chest, a bile taste to my lips and a melancholic hangover, I fold my hands and make a small silent prayer, and think "Even if I could it'll all be fake but your picture in my phone, it reminds me that its not so bad... its not so bad"

RIP Swabrina, reality still feels delusional at times.

A piece from Dec holidays

I wrote this back a while on my Dec holidays...

Its been a while since you crossed my mind that i thought i lost you considering my life took an unexpected turn on my time home, mon cherie, i hope you are of good health.
Since there is no remedy for memory, and i am yet to find a cure to that never ending quest laid upon us on our last endeavour, fate chose its words wisely for i am still lost of words, in love hath fallen so deep that i lost track of the pathway back up. In my insignificance i wish only but one, your happiness. maybe with a stroke of luck, that wish would deliver back after accomplishing its task.

Something must be wrong with me

Everyday a wonder why I can't get you off my mind and I see you with every step
Its like sometimes a wanna die feels like am loosing my mind it's evident
That something must be wrong with me
I'm not as happy as I seem to be
The long showers I take don't wash away the memories
Why do I have to face these tragedies
We go thru struggles in life I'm aware
But to have my baby gone so soon feels like its just not fair
It stopped me from believing in the future
Believe me babe you left back a monster

Passage of time

They say the passage of time will heal all wounds… but the greater the loss, the deeper the cut… and the more difficult the process to become whole again.

The pain may fade, but the scars serve as a reminder of our suffering and make the bearer all the more resolved never to be wounded again.

So as time moves along, we get lost in distractions, act out in frustration, react with aggression, give in to anger.

And all the while, we plot and plan to get stronger, and before we know it the time passes, we are healed, ready to begin anew.

Shut eye

Waking up to another dreamless night, 
i feel my imagination slowly loosing its focus on beauty.
For what beauty is there to it? 
Being asleep is basically being half dead, 
if my subconscious chooses to abandon my desire to fantasize about my beloved, 
then i fail to see the pleasure i once found in it.