Put up the fight

life’s so strange in its own weird ways, I for instance never thought it would ever get to this but am lost… lost in my own ways of thinking that maybe it would get better, it just keeps getting worse.

am tired, tired of thinking that maybe if I keep on hoping that maybe it would all change once and for all in one day and see the better side of  life, it keeps getting darker by each passing day for me.

the challenges of life seem to get the better side of me now, at 1st it was just depression, then the loss of  my inner sense of acknowledgement for whatever life seems to take a troll on me, then disappearing of my sense of humor, then the downpour, then the detachment, it just keeps getting worse for my likes.

and am gone, I guess I know right where am going, the footpath to success seems blurred from far but it will get better, maybe all I need is a new outlet, like I already got the theme all I need is the words.

guess it is time for me to stand up and make a new plan, coz once am gonna start there is no looking back.

Reality relapse

The past is to be forgotten, the future still untold, the current to cherish, before its all gone
They say before death is when everything flashes back to you, before you loose something you want so much is when you know its true value
Just like before dawn you are held up in your own dark demise, at sunrise is when rays show you the way that you never noticed nor realized
You see God is loving, when you feel there is no one else, He is there to listen to your plea
Even after going against his will, he would forgive and show you the way if only you believe
But to believe is not to see, to vision is not belief, miracles are everywhere, the sky, the birds, the bees even the trees
There is so much to learn, so much we could possibly be, if we only believed, if we could just close our eyes and feel it from deep within
I always say am not the best of character to follow, possibly coz I relapse to evil, sinning silently
Staunch aint the title for the likes of me but…. I still try my best to keep my actions clean
So please don’t contradict my words by my actions, u don’t know how freaking

hard it is to correct the evil within me
But whether ul listen or displease, am no preacher nor I doubt al ever be,
So wether yoou take my words or not, I said it all and I said it as it iz
As my words weren’t ment to please, but please….. Take a minute to reread and re think the worrds that I jus spilled.

Bridge

It hurts, it hurts so much that I cant do anything abut everything that just happened
It hurts, it freaking hurts that I look so innocent about it yet am the cause of so much wreckage
How I look so angelic with my words, yet my twisted truth makes me ill as I reminisce my sewage vocab down the drainage
I feel my soul ripping apart in the inside, it hurts so much that I cant hold it in but bleed it in words as a poet


Like holding on to a collapsing bridge, holding to both ends of it in the middle so as to prevent it from falling apart
I feel my tendons tearing apart from the strain, I scream to hold on though am loosing grip real fast
I really hate the fact that it came to this, when you let go and find yourself not holding to anything, its like death awaits your final cast
I look up to see what I lost in my fall, hoping for a miracle or amnesia to forget my past


I close my eyes for a little prayers during my fall, I pray my words reach both ends with clarity and understanding
I created the bridge in between, though it was shaky, I destroyed it and ended up in the middle of its ropes holding
This fall’s so painful, each end of the bridge turned sour on me, my little prayer is that my actions to be forgiven
I need that bridge to get to both ends, need that bridge to make my mistakes mend, how much I need those two ends my words cant comprehend


This aint no ordinary lyrical poem, the rhymes don’t matter if my message doesn’t get through to both ends
Living in the middle of a stormy bridge aint easy, I guess my emotions went on uproar and both ends suffered my selfish trends
My falls nothing to me, al be happy to die smiling if al be able to mend whats loose and straighten my bridge’s bends
I see the end of my fall, whisper their names, close my eyes n vision a better tomorrow, as I cant wait for this nightmare to end!!!

Slice

"slice!" the words pound in my head like a gunshot close to my ears
"Slice!" the devil whispers chants within me, i try to stay focused but the words bring dreadful fear
"slice!...... slice!" every step i take rings a 'slice', every slice dwells temptation nearer, i can almost smell the scene sin in the atmosphere
"slice! Slice! Slice!" like a machine gun let loose, i let loose the juice of evil upon me, painful happiness filled with regretful tears.

the deed's been done, the curtain of guilt falls upon my reviving soul
sometimes i wish i never felt this way, most times i wish i could undo my fouls
just close my eyes once and forget my past, open them as a brighter future unfolds
if only it were that simple, i guess old is gold, '....., my old evil is sadistically unforgetable gold

Like is not always as it seems, my life's so complicated i don't even know where to begin
I wish my younger years were better, but an thakful i had one, some of my friends never made it to their teens
am glad i have lived long enuf to maturity, thou its true my childhood bred my evil sin
but as akil once said, in the needless pain:

    "Pain feels,what pain fills in us,    pain heals what pain seals in us,    pain steals,what pain drills in us,    pain deals with what pain feels,    and thus,pain is us!"

My Love

like rain water on my face, tears trickle down as if to regret my very existence
dark thick clouds fill the night sky, solitude seems to comfort my never drying teary eyes
the downpour is at it's optimum, while here i am in the wild with so many things left undone
'a moment'....... an awakening to cruel reality of love, my heart leaks our bond from up above
my shirt is soaked wet and my skin feels all soft from soaking myself in rain, "the sky is crying" amidst all the solitude it does feel my pain

 

i wish i could scream you out of my head, i wish you could see how much am suffering after what you said
crushed my heart and left me for dead, just like how you touched my soul and promised our love will never fade
'R.I.P, our infinite love', as the undertaker soils corpse of what we used to have
call me the living dead my dearest former wife to be, for now am just a cold hearted and totally not someone you'd want to see

Beautiful

And me and she we trampoose a
lot
Several mornings she shampoos
my locks
Always have my back she stand
true to dat
Real type of loving, thank you
for that
Yow...run barefoot without no
shoes and socks
Cause she keep herself clean mi
nah go catch no rash
And she love me for real mi nuh
haffi have no cash
And any little thing from mi
splish she splash
Yow...all this blinging it's like you
forgot
Use cheddar as the bait den you
recruit a rat
So we listen couple speech of
Martin Luther chat
Dennis Brown, Bob Marley and
some Super Cat
Yow...seem like she upside the
duko shop
Cause she don't have a scratch
it's only beautiful spot
When one duty start is when
one duty stop
One nine to five, one five to
twelve o'clock
You see me

Now she's Gone

One of my favorite Collie Buds songs:

Now it seems like only yesterday, since you gone away, but then another day goes by.
I never meant to make you sad, or ever treat you bad, i never wanted to see you cry.
I should have been there for you, to see this through, the regrets always on my mind.
Now it's too late for you, to turn around girl and see what you've left behind.

If I could turn back the hands of time i woulda say all the right things just to make sure you're mine.
I was blinded by the light i couldn't see the sign i took your love for granted thought we was fine.
But now my mind is on you only, oh it's so lonely, and now dat it's been so long.
With no one to hold me, no one told me, that this reality would hit so strong.

What am looking for

Life's little pleasures also has its own little pains
some friends are worth more than treasures while others feel like an unwashable menstrual blood stain
personally, i have problems... 'sigh!'
In as much loving i am,i possess an icy heart
time-space seems to relove around,but am not part
i feel flacid inside, but turgid as a crystal on the outside
i tend to look for love, but crush out lyk a 8.5 seismic landslide
am cold in the inside
outer hotter than a steamer in its prime
i want to change,but my emotions always tend to sublime
when things give way, a solid cold heart is revitalised
I wish i were stronger,
i wish i loved longer
but in the end the truth is out for me to realise
there was a time i once loved
there was a time i once treasured
but now my heart has no mo space for love to capitalize

so my apologies if to you i was ever rude,
if i ever made you cry or ever sounded absurd
as human is to err, i guess my emotions went too far
am just trying to look for my love, but as friends maybe we would prosper

Addiction

Poetry is not always about words, i believe its more about self expression and emotions
i may not possess words to utter to exhale my actions, but jot script to extinguish its vile inflamation
i believe in change, av divorced all my vices and set my life in motion
path away from evil is not easy, this is my 9th note when temptation dwells and am filled with pure depression
bt my actions need no explanation, my life needs no modification
as tomorow is not the same as today, i may finally break loose from my unique addiction
but Allah is by my side always, my one source of full trust and devotion
so in as much hard and painfull it seems, inshaallah al find my way through the devils deception

4 a.m

It's 4am in the morning, i have closed my eyes for more than half an hour proving fruitless trials of sleep

I wish upon the stars, to shoot like one to exactly where you are
In my own imaginative world of thoughts, i care less of others but i am yours and you are mine to keep
i better not let you stray far, tame you like my kitten and cuddle you till you purr
 

Your voice echoes like a speaker in my head, your laughter melts me like snow at summer's hottest peek
Whether upclose or far, every encounter brings yet another uproar
Another 'beep', another text message read, i guess cupid workin his way and knows who i seek
Another night in december, another night we are apart, i hope our journey brings us closer to each others hearts